I am getting anxious and feeling a bit consumed by this city at the moment. It's funny how something so large and diverse as a city, so multi-faceted with so many different things going on, made up of so many different people, can take on this single shape to me. It takes on this form, and becomes a whole. It becomes an entity. Its energy is massive and I feel it like a bearing weight. This is a challenge as I look to become more and grow more, yet being back in a city is difficult as I'm reminded of old ways of living.
The times have been stressful with so much emphasis being put on meaningless jobs and job hunting. It takes so much out of a person, who then attempts to put forth, to produce, to continue art and writing while running on spiritual fumes. The butter is spread pretty thin right now and the batteries will be needing a recharge.
It is my plan to grab a bicycle as soon as possible (hopefully next week) and take to the streets, to the outskirts, and let that raw, black asphalt carry my wheels to the hills where there can be a peace that I am in need of within my soul. Then I will bring that back with me in a way that will cascade throughout my life and my work. You may be wondering, "why would he need to go grab the peace from elsewhere when that very peace is found within him and has been there the entire time?" In hoping that I can explain it to you, I fully believe a person creates their own peace, but there are times when loss of focus, or being too mindful of meaningless and trivial matters, takes us away from this peace as the busy thoughts begin racing and racing throughout our heads. It is when seeking out those physical and non-physical spaces of solitude that I spoke of in the previous post, that I can return back to my roots and become still again. So yes, it was with me the entire time, but will I travel to another physical space outside of the city in order to "find it?" You bet I will.
Thanks so much for hearing me out through this venting session. Do not hesitate to seek out your own spaces for a peaceful recharge, but remember to carry it back with you, wherever it is that you go. Spread it.